effort

"Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone." - Laurence J. Peter, Canadian writer best known for "The Peter Principle" and "The Peter Prescription," satires of the business world.

Take note.. it is the week before my period starts. I'm starting to pick up certain patterns and pre-p week has never served me or anyone else well. I will leave you with the above quote, although not very inspirational, it conveys how I've been feeling. I'm such a brat!

Other weekend points of interest:
we swam
we got groceries
Mike cleaned my car inside and out - it looks brand new!!!

on motherhood... and a day with macy

"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all." -Oliver Wendell Holmes, physician, poet and writer, born in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He invented an early stethoscope and suggested the term ‘anestesia’ (from the Greek for ‘no feeling’).

I spent Saturday in some one-on-one time with my daughter. I sensed she needed some attention and little did I know that I needed time with her, too. She hasn't had me to herself since Nicky was born and before that we were together every day for a hear and a half. I didn't realize how much I missed her and I think she missed me, too.

We browsed through Hallmark (one of my favorite things to do) and she loved watching the animated and lighted Christmas displays. "wook, mommy, wook!" she kept saying. We also shopped Bealls and, as we were browsing amongst the shoes, she wanted me to pick her up. I did and she hugged me tight and said, "I love you so!" It was then that I understood the real meaning behind that... Besides telling me she loved me, she was letting me know that she really did need this time with me. I loved it and it made me all the more thankful for this whole mommy thing. Yeah, I complain about the lack of time and energy I have, but there is no way I could live without it at this point.

We ended our little outing by stopping by Barnes and Nobel (another favorite of mine). I loved being there with her, watching her pick out books and sitting at the little table with her while she "read."

It was such a special day. I realize now that I took her to places that I enjoy; perhaps hoping she enjoys them too so we can have something in common always. But at this point it is all I can do to introduce her to her mom. To show her the things that make me happy and later she can tell me if she likes them or not. Yeah, I hope we have lots in common, but even more so, I hope she finds the things that make her truly happy, even if they have nothing to do with my interests. I look forward to watching the discovery.

Other weekend points of interest...

*Nicky got his second haircut alongside Daddy on Saturday at Green Acres Barbershop
*Hosted first annual "wing fest" on Sunday. We had company to play in the pool and sample 4 types of wings - plain, teriyaki, bbq and hot! fun and yum!

acceptance

"Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is." -Albert Camus, French existentialist writer, born in Mondovi, Algeria. He earned an international reputation with his nihilistic novel, L'Etranger (1942, The Outsider). Later novels include La Peste (1947, The Plague) and La Chute (1956, The Fall), and he also wrote plays and several political works. He received the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1957.

I found myself thinking something along these lines last night at Bunko. It seems all of the ladies in my group, except myself and about two others, are steadfast dieters, constantly talking about their diets, how much weight they've lost and how their clothes are starting to just hang on them. I'm not sure where my annoyance is coming from, maybe jealousy, okay, but on the other hand, I'm so *#!@$% tired of the whole diet issue. I'm tired of women constantly being unhappy with themselves; trying to look like Lyndsey Lohan and Nicole Ritchie who, by the way, are like 19 years old and have more time and money to put into their appearance than any normal woman ever would. No one in the group is overweight to the point of being unhealthy. They all look like women in their 30's and 40's are supposed to look.

Maybe the topic strikes such a cord with me because deep down I'm the same way. Always concious of my image and how my clothes are fitting. The difference is I'm trying to come out of it! I'm starting to actually accept my body and be happy with it. I don't want to waste any more of my life unhappy with myself. I'm starting to buy clothes because they fit and feel good and look good not because of the number on the tag. In fact, the last couple of pants I've bought are a larger size than usual, but once I got them on and realized how good it felt to be in non-tight pants, I was actually happy about it.

Another reason such thing annoys me is that it is just one more thing we women compete with. It's like a game to see who can get the skinniest the fastest. It's not good for our relationships. We really do need to accept each other and ourselves for who we really are. And, yes, we need to be healthy. But is an almost obsessive fascination with our weight and the weight of our friends healthy? I can't think so.

recharge

"Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debuging Monday's code." -Dan Solomon, Formerly an NPC bodybuilder and a graduate of the University of Hartford School of Journalism, Dan founded the Physique Management Group, which provides promotional and management support for many of the industry's top athletes, models and promoters.

Okay, yesterday wasn't Monday, but it did pay for me to stay in bed. I begged out of work, Mike took the kids to daycare and I took myself a mental health day. After getting out of bed at 9:00, I made a trip to the grocery store and spent the day putzing around the house, hanging pictures, doing laundry. It may not sound like fun to you, but it was heaven for me. Today, I feel recharged and refreshed.

I don't know about you, but I need a day to myself every now and then. Since Nicky was born, I've felt overwhelmed and exhausted most days and I desperately needed a day, just one day, without anyone needing me for anything. I used to feel selfish about feeling this way, but I've come to the conclusion that it's just my personality. All people need different things, after all.

river substitution

Spent the weekend in the Austin/New Braunfels area. The group had a great time tubing down the Comel while Nicky and I spent some time and money at a local mall, taking advantage of the tax-free weekend. I missed not going, but in the words of Bo Derek... "Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." In other words, my alternative was sufficient to keep my thoughts of sadness at bay.

revelation

"If I accept the fact that a god is absolute and beyond all human experiences, he leaves me cold. I do not affect him, nor does he affect me. But if I know that a god is a powerful impulse in my soul, at once I must concern myself with him, for then he can become important, like everything belonging to the sphere of reality." -Carl Gustav Jung, Psychiatrist, born in Kesswil, Switzerland. He corroboratedd with Freud in his early years but eventually came up with several of his own approaches, including a description of psychological types ('extraversion'/'introversion'); the exploration of the 'collective unconscious'; and the concept of the psyche as a 'self-regulating system' expressing itself in the process of 'individuation'.

Last night's RCIA topic was "Revelation". And in my own personal style, I like to incorporate a little psychology whenever possible. And Jung has always been one of my favorites.

On Revelation... I've heard the word throughout my Christian-raised life. I know that there is a whole chapter in the Bible dedicated to it that ashamedly, I have yet to read. But thanks to Father Joe's interpretation last night, I have a little better grasp on the word, at least as it is used in the Catholic world.

If I write to much on this topic my head will explode, but the main point is this... God is not beyond us. He has been revealing himself to us from the beginning of time. First through Adam and Eve and so on through the years through Abraham, Noah, and countless others until finally, through Jesus. But it's not always in the big miracles and life changing events that he shows himeslf. It is more often through the little things - the details, if you will. A breeze that cools you, the sunset, your children, the kindness of your neighbor and mysteries of our bodies, minds and souls, just to name a few. It's mind-blowing, really, and everyone's take is their own and very personal. The more we learn, the more we realize that there is much more to be understood.

That is as simple as I can get and will now sign off for the week. I'm leaving work early and we're traveling with a group of friends to the New Braunfels area for some fun in the sun on the Guadalupe. Nicky and I may forego the rapids this year with him still being a little sweet baby. We'll find something to do. Since today happens to be payday, I'm thinking some shopping in Austin would be an appropriate alternative...

heat

"I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play." -Joe E. Louis. A boxer born in Lafayette, Alabama. His reign as heavyweight champion of 11 years and eight months is the longest in boxing history (1937–49).

Amen, Joe.

I've said goodbye to July - notorious for it's heat. But now we're off to August... also well known for it's brutal temps. But even though I am happiest in cooler and even cold temperatures, I believe I'm getting used to the heat. It doesn't seem to bother me as much as it used to. Maybe it's a better attitude, who knows.

Mike has a softball game tonight. I look forward to these games and I'm glad that Macy will have these memories of fun at the softball field when she grows up. I know I still remember as a kid going to my Uncle Jim's baseball games at the City Park in Fairbury, Nebraska. At the time he was merely my aunt's boyfriend, but we all loved him just the same. We'd bring a blanket to sit on and grandma and grandpa would be in their lawnchairs. They brought a big bag of popcorn and we thought it was just so much fun to cheer for Jim as he stepped up to the plate.

The summertime. Hot, yes. But the setting of some of the best memories. I need to learn to play better in the heat. Not only for myself, but for my husband and kids. How else are we ever going to enjoy Texas in July?

time

"Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. Or something. I dunno..." -M. Scott Peck, Psychiatrist. Born in New York City, New York. He reluctantly attained the status of a guru due to the success of his book, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth (1978).

My two day weekend seemed to drag on and on... And yet it went too fast. Does that make any sense. It all comes down to effective time management. I'm such a big believer in that and yet I also find myself drawn into the frustrations of being unable to accomplish it. I guess it all comes with the territory of being a wife and mother.

I spent a lot of time Saturday with my little Nicky. We got groceries together and later took a trip to the mall. I enjoyed strolling around the mall with him. He loved watching all of the people and was very happy and content. Macy spent most of her day with daddy helping him and Marc build a bookshelf in the garage and later helped him go get the oil changed.

And Sunday I took on what I thought to be the reasonable task of re-painting the little kitchen set my grandpa made. It turned into a bigger project than I thought and I spent over three hours on that task without finishing it. I took a break at that point and we all went for a drive around the lake. Both kids fell fast asleep and Mike and I had our hard-to-come-by precious alone time in the car. We stopped at Jr.'s for chicken on the way home.

Later, I finally painted the table but by then the sun went down so when I set it out to dry, because of all of the humidity... It didn't. By this time of the evening, I was getting a little irritable because I was also thinking about everything else I had to do... ironing, showering, making my lunch for the next day,.. Okay, that's all I really needed to do but it seemed like a lot at the time. I kept hearing the clock ticking away. The real problem was that I really, really just wanted to lay in bed and relax! And guess what? I actually made it to that point by about 9:30.

This time concept is really a hard one sometimes. We need to place values on all of the things we do in a day and match them up with time. It's funny when you think about it. There is, in essence, unlimited time. We've placed limits on it by assigning numbers to it resulting in unending deadlines. Now.. everything has a deadline, it seems. Our "deadline" to sleep is in the evening and our "deadline" to get up is set in the morning. We even have "deadlines" to eat. Imagine a day with no time. You wake up when your body wants to. You sleep when you want to. You wander aimlessly around all day not even caring what time it is. I think I'd like a day like that but it would be hard to adjust to a lifetime of timelessness. Or would it? Some may call that paradise.